Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Mother's Day & Only Child

Here's what Jaci does with QTips when I'm not looking ...
(and a peek at our new kitchen floor!)

My kids and I on Mother's Day. Adrian treated me to crepes for lunch (mmmm... his specialty/all of our favorite!) Mother's Day is funny to me because it's impossible to define and properly honor a good mother. On the other hand, I'm thankful for my beautiful children that have made me a mother, and for their cute gifts on the day the rest of America celebrates. And once again, I'm inspired to live every other day of the year with Christ as #1, so that when my children are older, they will rise and call me blessed (Proverbs 31).

A few weeks ago, I had a really bad day. One of those days when it seemed that everything that could have possibly gone wrong, did. (Except we didn't land in the emergency room, and we were all alive at the end of the day; for that I should be thankful). That day, I wrote a journal entry, ranting about everything that went wrong. And continued to go wrong once I thought the day couldn't get worse. I'll spare you the details, but was urged by my husband to share the last paragraph:

"There were many, many times today when I had the thought, "I wish I only had one child". And I'll be honest. The only one I wanted was Aaron. He was sleeping part of the time, and the part when he was awake, he was smiling at me. He would coo and giggle and had no idea about the hardship I was facing. He was NOT whining, complaining, or making a bigger mess of the house. And every single time I thought it, the Holy Spirit followed with the thought, "I'm glad God never felt that way!" He never did. It would make so much more sense for him just to have one adorable son. These other children of his ~ well, they always cause trouble, get themselves dirty; they are ungrateful and needy and whine even when all their needs are taken care of. He had every right to only stay in perfect relationship with this one Son. The one child who fulfilled all his desires as a Father. But God's whole plan revolves around wanting to be in relationship with us -- though sinful, though dirty, though stupid and frail, He loves us!! I feel soooo loved, and I believe that is the ONLY way I am able to extend love despite all the hardness that has wanted to pound my heart today. There are plenty of people surrounding me (I'm referring to adults, not my children) who are NOT immersed in grace and touched by God's love, and that's why they aren't extending it. But they are miserable people! I want to be full of grace, and full of love. Thank you, Lord, for making this a possibility in my life!"

Today I heard the news of my friend, Jessica Ramey leaving this earth. (Like the bumper sticker says, "Cancer Sucks"). I am saddened and stunned, tearful and torn. It was just the other day I was pleading with God in prayer - Jehovah Rapha -- the God who heals-- to heal her. Now she is gone. This experience is meant to lift all of our eyes to the Creator of heaven and earth. He alone can comfort, and he doesn't withhold any good thing from us. Refreshed perspective: life is a vapor, and I shall put more emphasis on Him than on life!


  1. cute photo of you and the kids- they're all so adorable! sorry you had a rough day... kind of comes with the territory, eh? all the great days make the bad ones bearable.
    and i'm sorry to hear about your friend- it's so hard to lose the ones we love.
    on a happier note, as i'm commenting, cole's trying to sing along with your blog music; wish i could record it and send it to you! :)

  2. Anna- what a beautiful thought. I have thought the same thing at times...They are so sweet and easy when they are little. Too little to argue, too little to pout, still too little to make mess after mess after mess. :) But I am not a perfect child, and should remember more often that my Heavenly Father still loves me unconditionally. Thanks for putting that idea in my head :).