Wednesday, April 25, 2012

what's in a name?

Up 'til now, my favorite part of pregnancy and birth has been naming our babies.  Adrian & I have had varying degrees of difficulty agreeing each pregnancy.  With Ella, we were ready with a first and middle for boy or girl.  We did not have a boy name ready for Tessa Jane.  At all.  And were relieved when she was a girl!  :)  We talked about Jaci's name for a day or so after she was born.  Then it took me about 2 years to quit regretting that we didn't use "Josie" instead.  Aaron's middle name was the only part that we had to settle after his birth.  With all of them, I was anxious to be settled with a name weeks, even months before they were born.  Each time, Adrian was less in a hurry.  We have never publicly shared our name considerations in advance; not wanting the opinions to flood in before we decide without external bias.  Here, I won't share any of the names currently up for grabs; only those that have gone by the wayside.

For the first time, this time, the search for baby's name has been less pleasant to me.  Maybe it's because we've had so many other things on our minds and schedules lately.  Or the fact that we have not nearly been in agreement.  This time, I decided to wait to let Adrian bring it up, instead of pestering him to think about it, as in the past.  This is also the first time that Adrian and I know the gender of the baby, so we can focus in on one set of names.  (Ironically, we agreed on a name for the other gender long ago.  But for the gender we have ~ not so much).  For the last 3 pregnancies, I have loved the name "Soraya" for a girl.  Upon suggesting it this time, Adrian said it sounded like some sort of disease ~ and I realized it does sound quite a bit like "psoriasis".  I didn't connect that at all previously.  So even with all my frustration at disagreement, it IS a good thing our children have 2 parents to balance one another out!  :)

I remember when I was pregnant with Tessa and we were feverishly trying to agree on a name, our tastes initially were so far off from one another.  Not just disagreement, it was disbelief!!  I was stuck on J names that time around, including Jhett, Jess or Jadrian for boys.  Even though I stuck with them, he laughed and wouldn't even give those names a second thought.  He made serious suggestions like Veronica and Saul, to which I said, "Are you completely looney?!"  Funny how strong opinions can be.

I guess I have more faith this time around.  I simply decided that God would give us a name, and I didn't have to feel ready or in control of the naming process so far in advance.  Just in the last month or so Adrian has brought up his preferences.  I have gagged, and rebutted with mine.  He has sputtered and laughed.  We have our separate lists on the iPhone.  (Which, if you saw, would include both genders so as not to give it away).  Ella found the lists one day and made her own darling list of suggestions!!  Some of which I would consider, by the way!  This time, there is no overlapping on our lists.  They range from very traditional/Biblical to very contemporary.  How does a couple compromise on a name, when each parent has strong feelings and they don't collide?   

I have teased Adrian that it really doesn't matter what we name the child, because he will inevitably call it by some outlandish nickname anyway!!  All of the kids have had their nicknames, none of which could possibly have been predicted before they were named.  Some nicknames have evolved with age; some have stuck.  Ella is Ella Rosen Thorpus Porpoise P; ERTPP for short.  (She doesn't want anybody to know what the last letter stands for, and reminds daddy this every time he uses it).  Tessa is Teej, Teej pooj, or Esselie Tesselie Jane.  Jaci has become J-L-B-N-T-Z-R-Q-M-O-W.  Doesn't stand for anything, but over time Jace Base the Space Case got shortened to "JB", which again got longer, and that's simply what daddy calls her.  Aaron has been the mispronnounced Ry-O lately, much to my chagrin. Or "Cook", which came from Tessa's, "Aaron Buddy Doodie Cookie Mommie".  When in disagreement over baby #5's name, I tell Adrian he is obviously the mastermind at nicknames, so therefore I can be the real name chooser!  :)

I recently read that one person had kind of a noble name in mind for their baby.  They were told to go to the back door and yell the name about a dozen times to try it out.  After that, they settled for something much more practical!  I like that.

Sunday, an all new name came to Adrian.  It is one I would consider, but am taking time to get used to.  Last night, an all new name came to me.  It is one he would consider, with the same hesitation.  

So maybe, just maybe this baby will be named something different than either Adrian or I have imagined for the last 6 months.  Maybe the baby will just "look like" one of our names.  I'm amazingly at peace with it.  

And very soon, you'll know baby's name too!  :)  Still hoping for an April baby...


  1. Picking baby names out as an adult is not nearly as easy as it was as a little girl naming future children!

  2. I agree with Abigial. it was much easier picking names when i was a little girl!:)
    picking (agreeing on is more appropriate)names was almost harder than labor itself. while it wasn't funny at the time, i have to chuckle with your struggle, because we dealt with the same 'disagreement'.
    somehow, all 4 of our kids got named. and both of us are content with the names we choose. it all works out in the end.

  3. Oh...So hard to decide and agree!! We were lucky on agreement with our two. I don't think a 3rd we'd be so lucky on... Good luck and sure am thinking of you all!!

  4. Thanks for the updates Anna! I have to admit with a little embarrassment sometimes I don't have the patience to read long posts with just words and not pictures but i had to read all this one with great interest and laugh with TOTAL familiarity and understanding at Adrian's talent for nicknames! I think it must be a Pheifer family thing--somehow even the ladies I work with seem to find me using another version of their name!! Your a great sport and a great sister--thanks again! :)