blessed

Mmmm, my "Morning View" on Thursday!

I *WISH* I could hold this sweet little munchkin 

all day long...

but when mama needs both hands...

he is a happy camper in this borrowed swing

from some favorite cousins!  :)

First time in a high chair at Auntie Kay's!
(she kindly added some towels to keep him propped)

~almost 3 months~

a weekend trip to Idaho allowed us to see this lovely family!  <3

...and here's "us"!

Where are you looking?

Funny how... the 3 times we toured the house before we moved in, it seemed next to perfect.  Funny how the day we got the keys, Adrian & I both began to see things that needed improvements-- as if we had a new set of lenses over our eyes.  Suddenly, the grass was embarrasingly tall, there were chips in the tile and grout, thick dust on the ceiling fixtures, the doors wouldn't close right... funny.


As the children learn to ride their bikes, I hear myself repeating, "Keep looking where you want to go!"  When they keep their eyes ahead, they maintain their balance and reach their destination.  When the look behind or down, they go... down.  


Two of my friends have posted blog entries this week about being content with what we've got.  I really enjoyed the posts (thank you H & M!).  At the same time my friends are working through that, God is working on me.  A few days ago, we left our house on the hill here at Utopia and went to some friends' house.  We had a grand evening, but as we drove home, I identified a lot of discontent in my heart.  "Our house doesn't have trees or water nearby."  "She decorates so much better than me."  "We don't have animals".  "They have been able to customize their house over time"  Wait, stop.

"May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer!"  -- Psalm 19.14


We have been repeating this Psalm with the children a lot over the past few months.  It is more effective to put the Word of God in their little hearts and minds than to just tell them to quit whining.  Same goes for me.

So that night driving home to one of the most beautiful houses I've ever stepped foot in, I was aghast to find discontent in my heart.  Really?  After all God has done for me, after the most recent heaping of blessings, and driving toward a home that may never feel like home because it is too nice for me ~ I am complaining?  I am whining because I don't have all the boxes unpacked, and the closet isn't organized?  Really?


I thank God when he gives me a little snapshot of my heart, because I see what a wretched and miserable, selfish and shallow person I am without Him.  Oh, how I need a Savior to save me from myself!  


I see among my peers (and in myself) the temptation to look around and see what everyone else has/does/is.  But every time we look around, we see a) someone better than us b) someone not better than us.  In our estimation.  So looking around either makes us puffed up (pride kills!) or depressed (that happens more often to me, 'cause I have so many cool friends!)


When I focus on what I don't do as a full time mom, there is a long list ~ I don't homeschool my children with finesse and confidence, have them in all sorts of activities, always shop organic, make all our food from scratch, go on long bike rides with the family, ski, sew clothing, quilt, knit, crochet, cloth diaper my babies, sew cloth diapers, milk goats, make soap and candles, can gallons of food each year, grow fantastic gardens, bring in a reliable paycheck, go dumpster diving, take quality photos, take an annual vacation....  yep, that's what my friends do!


But while I pine about what I don't do, life is slipping away, and I'm not making the most of it.  I'm not 


Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God!  --Hebrews 12.2


That's what I'm actually here for!  The hummingbird does not whine because he can't run like an elephant.  The worm does not complain that he can't soar like an eagle. Each part of creation is supposed to glorify God in their own way.  Romans 12 is an excellent read about how we are all needed for diverse reasons: 
"If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.  And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?  But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be...."

"Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?"  (Obviously not!)  Romans 9.20

If you LOVE sewing, then stitch away!  If you are GOOD at preserving food for your family, you should do it!  If you ENJOY gardening, you absolutely should!  If you derive joy out of training for marathons, go for a run!  God gave you those talents to honor Him!  (Just acknowledge Him in all your ways -Proverbs 3.6)  Don't spend any time trying to be someone else.  And don't be fooled that anybody is better than you.  We are all bought with a price, and we are not more loved because of what we do.


So thank you friends for sharing your hearts.  Thank you for reminding me to look up.  One of my favorite quotes: "It ain't heaven, 'til it's heaven, folks!"--Jon Courson  So I should not try to make this life heaven: let the weeds grow, let the spills spill, let the clothes be stained, let the tears fall ... and remember, what I've got is a wonderful way to spend time until heaven!


And sweet Heavenly Father, I'm so very sorry for having any speck of ungratefulness in my heart.  You have given me all I have, I deserve nothing, and I love you.

the end of an era

It has been an overwhelming couple of weeks!  Moment by moment, we've gotten through.  Sometimes that meant less sleep ~ I was burnin' the candle at both ends, going to bed late, getting up early to check off all on the to do list.  Sometimes it meant more sleep ~ finally landing in the hotel, and sleeping in to make up for lost time!  It certainly hasn't been baby's fault that I was losing sleep.. He is such a little sleeper, day and night!

In the last 6 weeks, we welcomed a beautiful baby boy 120 miles from home, moved back home, decluttered the house, brought everyone's summer clothes out, switched Orion from newborn to 0-3 month, then to 3-6 month clothing, signed, notorized faxed or emailed hundreds of documents, sold a car, sold a camper, showed the house twice, sold the house, attended graduation parties, our own going away party, celebrated Tessa's 6th birthday, had the house packed by professional movers, said goodbye to 7 years in Anaconda, moved to Helena, moved to Missoula, moved to Kalispell, all with 5 kids in tow.  Yes, I've been leaning pretty heavily on help lately!  Finally, tomorrow tomorrow TOMORROW we will move to our new home!
  
We are now 9 hours away from signing on our new home.  Even though we're told we will have keys in hand tomorrow, it is difficult for me to believe.  We have waited sooooo long, that it still seems beyond our reach.  For 4 years we've known this move was a possibility; its been 3 1/2 months since Adrian was promoted and 2 1/2 months since we made an offer on our home.  Lots of emotions among all of us.  I find it hard to soak in this OUTPOURING of blessings!  There is excitement surrounding it all, but also some apprehensions from the unknowns.  (Tessa keeps asking when she'll see her toys again, and Aaron daily repeats, "I want to go home!")  I expect we'll be spending the entire summer settling in!  


In the middle of all the above, I attended an 8 hour Breastfeeding Seminar for continuing ed credits for my lactation counselor certificate.  It was a nice day with just me and the baby, but also very exhausting.  At the conference, Orion and I (along with my doula friend Abbie) were featured in a local newspaper article here.

We have decided to homeschool at least one more year.  The changes of a new baby brother, Daddy's new job, a new town and a new house are enough; keeping school the same will provide some stability.  I am more prayerful regarding homeschool than ever, seeing how the older 4 children are at such diverse levels, especially in reading and math.  The goal for me is to challenge them all and keep their interest simultaneously!  I suppose public school teachers face the same challenge, even in a single grade classroom...


Looking forward to the next 6 days, we have friends coming to help clean the new house if needed, company arriving to help with the children, movers bringing our earthly posessions, celebration of Jaci's birthday, more company coming and going, and hopefully some summer weather to enjoy!

Dear Daddy...

I love you because you're tall & strong.  Sometimes I think you can fight a bear, and a moose and even a rattlesnake.  Happy Father's Day!  Love, Ella

I love you because you keep me safe.  I love you sharper than a fingernail.  I love you because you're strong and handsome.  Happy Father's Day!  Love, Tessa

I love you more than the ocean and a whale and a fish and a hotel.  I love Daddy because sometimes I jump in his hands and he throws me.  ~ Jaci

her shirt says it all

I love Daddy when he jumps me in the pool.  I love him because I got chocolate ice cream.  ~Aaron

I love sleeping next to to you, when you hold me inside your coat, and how you adoringly call me "GruntCub".  When you blow in my face, I make a cute grimace, but I'm just putting up with it.  Love, Orion

6-16-2012

3 weeks!

My real live baby doll!

5 kids!

it's not about capturing a perfect photo...

but about documenting the fun...

...and real life!

After I clicked, Adrian looked up and said,
"I can tell you're cutting my head off."
Yes, honey, your head and your feet too!
Such is life in our tiny little kitchen.

Adrian, adoring his sleeping baby, took this shot
(as you can also tell by the angle!)

Tessa created this "pillow throne" herself, to hold Orion while playing Dutch Blitz!

In my opinion, you can't spoil a baby by holding him too much.
This little sweetie rarely has to be set down!  

I can tell he likes his sisters holding him,
and  is already studying each of them  individually.

This is what Aaron was doing when Orion was born.
Can you tell I love photos of these 3 together?!
And I love for them to BE together, too.
For some reason beyond their mommy's & my comprehension,
they all behave better & quieter when together!!

worth 1000 words

Mother's Day & More

The day after Orion was born, Adrian asked (probably rhetorically), 

"Why is it, every time we have another kid, we seem to reach a new level of chaos?"  

I answered, "Because we do!"

Every family has a unique story about what number of kids was the hardest to adjust to.  I've commonly heard that 3 or 4 is difficult but after that, not so much.  Now that we've welcomed five, I would have to agree that with baby #4 came the most sudden increase of dishes, laundry, and busy-ness.  But still, the hardest adjustment for me was our first baby.  She was not the typical newborn who ate and slept (which I expected).  She spent much of her first 24 hours crying.  Every feeding was at least 40 minutes long.  I was anemic, and not up to much activity.  I found myself not having time to get myself food, and if I showered, it was through a lot of stress with a screaming baby nearby.  She never wanted to be set down for naps.  She rarely stayed asleep outside of our arms.  She hated the car seat for any length of time.  Stress, stress, stress.  Luckily for her, I was a brand new mom with the aim to do everything right and had all sorts of patience and love for the new little miracle in our lives.  Luckily for me, we got the "hard" baby out of the way first! 


At 2 weeks, Little "O" is a very easy going baby.  He eats a lot quickly, sleeps a lot (through all sorts of noise), and is overwhelmingly cute and content when awake.  Like melt-your-heart, stop-what-you're-doing-to-adore-him cute.  Now when I find myself only eating toast all day, don't shower 'til noon, can't find time to clip fingernails, and let days go by without using the camera -- well, it's just not as much of a surprise as the first time around.  With each subsequent baby, I've learned *more* the value of taking it slow in the first few weeks.  To gaze at my baby and soak him in.  To cuddle, kiss and smell his head.  The tiny-ness only lasts a few moments.  

BrownCowCotton.com
diapers are for newborn skinny legs too!

photo by Elissa

I wish I had photos of Mother's Day.  For me, it was the perfect blend of utopia and reality.  The kids presented me with hand made cards and their Dollar Store picks.  We went to church where moms were honored and prayed for (we need that!).  I took a long nap with my baby.  We went to Washoe Park for our first family of 7 walk (utopia).  The kids scooted or ran blissfully in the summery sunshine.  The sunlight sparkled on Warm Springs Creek while the children were enchanted by wading in ankle deep water, rock throwing, ponds and beaver dams.  By bedtime (reality), we were all tired.  Daughter3 claimed she couldn't walk due to a scraped knee.  Son4 resisted bedtime with arguing, kicking and screaming.  Daughter2 added to the fray by crying about having too many stuffed animals upstairs.  Really?  Mommy's patience ran out long before Daddy's, and so he read them a bedtime story as they all drifted to sleep.  


Still can't believe I didn't take pictures that day.  Or yesterday.  Or line up all 5 of them for a photo, like I've been meaning to do for 2 weeks.  Every surface in our bedroom is piled 2-3 feet high (no exaggeration) with the clothes switching that's going on.  Six laundry loads to catch up from being away; switching from maternity to regular; from winter to summer; from size to size.  There are 6 of us sharing 1 closet and 2 dressers.  Baby's closet is a laundry basket for the 4 weeks we'll all be living in this little house.  We're content and comfortable.  It's home.    

Wonderful birth assistant Elissa adoring Orion, along with Bentley & Jaci!